I’m Baaaaaaack x

Apologies for being away for months! It has been hectic… But in a great way…. Well mostly.

Here’s a brief update on why I temporarily abandoned Angels of Mine:

1. One of my girlfriends and I have started an online business, check it out… GirlsLove… Jewelry, accessories and all things girl fabulous!

We’re on Facebook – Girlslove
Wordpress –¬†girlslovefabulous.wordpress.com
Twitter – @girlsLove_bali

We’ve gone a bit mental with promo but we haven’t launched yet. We are so super busy and ridiculously excited.

2. Last term of the school year is always crazy with performances and reports so i was also tied up with that.

3. Raven. If you’ve read older blog posts, then there’s no explanation required.

Aaaaaand…. I think that’s it. So I’m back now and ready to bloooooggggggggg and get back on track with Angel of Mine. Thank you for your patience and love.

Xxx

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This

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It terrified her
Love
The very idea of it
The fact that she could lose all sight of things that
Made sense
That she could lose herself
To someone else

And so she worked hard
To build the walls
A prison surrounding her heart
Her soul
Her essence
Never allowing herself to be known by others
Not really

She was determined
That nobody
No man
Would ever get past those walls
She guarded herself with a driven passion
Near to the point of complete isolation

Fuck you
Fuck you for breaking down those walls
No
Fuck her
For allowing you to get past

She was strong
Now
The vulnerability
Her naked soul
Bared for you
To see
To feel

She doesn’t understand
Words and meaning escape her rational mind
Discomfort
Anxiety
Fear
Of letting someone so close
So deep

But it’s done now
Through no choice of her own
It was her heart that decided
It was her lonely soul

Her heart beats for the first time
Her heart feels this
This thing
This…
Love

And it pains her
She is drowning in the overwhelming magnitude
Of feelings tidal waving over her being

She is lost in your forever
And she is yours.

Children

I never decided to have to have children
I decided to keep them though
They were the ones who decided to be born to me

And everyday
Having my heart split in three
And having the other two parts walking around outside my body…

I want to keep them with me all the time
Protect them

I complain of tiredness
Frustration
“It’s so hard looking after them…”

But honestly
When I’m alone
I don’t feel complete

And that is love
Unconditional love

X

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Choices

Choices

We all have to make them
There is no wrong or right
But there are consequences to the choices you make

As a mother
They say you have no choice but to love to your child
This isn’t true
Every mother has a choice to love her child or not
Those who choose not to
Should not have been mothers

You can choose to love what you do
Or to do what you love
Or do nothing and resent yourself and everybody around you for your unhappiness

Everyday I wake up
And I make those choices
I choose to love my children
Because they are a blessing
And although sometimes I don’t like what they do
Or their behaviour
I never stop loving them
Never

Everyday I go to work
And I choose to love it
Because I’m doing what I love
Teaching
Children
Making a difference
No matter how small it may be
And I’m grateful
Because so few are given the opportunity to do what they love

In a relationship…
Any relationship…
A friendship…
A love affair…

You make that same choice everyday
To love her
To love him
To stay
Or to go

It cannot be forced
Sometimes it’s hard
And maybe that’s why so many relationships don’t last

Because the choice to stay wasn’t made
The choice to be with that other person everyday
Wasn’t made

Sometimes it’s for the better
Sometimes it’s not

Either way
Choices need to be made

X

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Fierce

Raven

This is raven

She came into this world knowing who she was
Even though I didn’t have a clue

She waddles into a room and knows her place
Makes people fall in love her immediately

Confident
Fierce

She will do great things

Maybe not in the save your life as a doctor kind of way
Or make a scientific breakthrough

But she will changes lives
And she will move hearts

I don’t know why she’s here
But I do know
She will be

AMAZING

And I am so grateful that she chose me to be her mother

x

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Good Enough

I’m never going to be good enough
I won’t ever reach your expectations
I make mistakes
I’m careless
I can irresponsible
It’s too little for you
I’m just not good enough

But what about what you don’t see
Refuse to see?
I’m so much more
Than a wife
A mother
A teacher
A friend

I am passionate
Loving
Generous

I try my best
I want to give my best
In all the little things I do

And if you don’t see that
Then there’s nothing I can do

Because I know my worth
And I am so much more than what you see

X

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You Don’t Know Me

You know my name
You know my family
We hang out
But how much do you know?
Really know?
Of my story
Of my pain

You see my smile
You assume I’m happy
Because why shouldn’t I be?
You don’t know that I’m fighting back tears
You don’t know my fears

You see my cuts
And you place me in a little box
To judge
She must have been this…
She must have done that…
You don’t see my scars
The ones that aren’t physically displayed
The ones that will never fade

You hear what I say
But you really listening
You don’t know what goes on in my mind
In my heart

And right back at you
I don’t know all of you
I assume as we’ll
I make judgments too
Forgive me when I do

I don’t know your story
I don’t know your pain
I cant feel your scars
I can’t read your mind

If you’d give me chance
I’d like to
And in turn
If you’re not too afraid
I’d like to show you too

This is not an open invitation
As I trust few
So don’t misuse
Abuse
Accept
Embrace
And let’s start a fabulous journey

X

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