You Don’t Know Me

You know my name
You know my family
We hang out
But how much do you know?
Really know?
Of my story
Of my pain

You see my smile
You assume I’m happy
Because why shouldn’t I be?
You don’t know that I’m fighting back tears
You don’t know my fears

You see my cuts
And you place me in a little box
To judge
She must have been this…
She must have done that…
You don’t see my scars
The ones that aren’t physically displayed
The ones that will never fade

You hear what I say
But you really listening
You don’t know what goes on in my mind
In my heart

And right back at you
I don’t know all of you
I assume as we’ll
I make judgments too
Forgive me when I do

I don’t know your story
I don’t know your pain
I cant feel your scars
I can’t read your mind

If you’d give me chance
I’d like to
And in turn
If you’re not too afraid
I’d like to show you too

This is not an open invitation
As I trust few
So don’t misuse
Abuse
Accept
Embrace
And let’s start a fabulous journey

X

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Motherhood… Lessons

Today
I bought my almost six year old son
A ken and barbie doll
Against what my husband says
Against what my mum says
Against what a lot of people would say i suppose

Afterwards
We had a long discussion about
Sexism
Equality
Homosexuality
Homophobes
Opinions
Love

Yes
It seems a bit much for a five and a half year old
So what?

I told him that he can play with whatever he wants to play with

I told him his sister can too

I told him he is free to love whomever he wants to

As long as he when he does

He is faithful

I married your daddy and i dont kiss any other boys

Thats what being faithful is

Can i have more than one wife?

No, but you can have many girlfriends as long as you date them one at a time

He laughed

I’ll wait

He said

I’m going to marry jazz

I told him about the gay friends i have

About how they get treated differently just because they dont love girls

Thats not fair

He said

I want him to grow ip open minded

Accepting

Of others

Of himself

I dont want him to be afraid

To be himself

Whomever that may be

And if people say im teaching him the “wrong” thing

So be it

I grew up with labels

And i grew up labelling others

I dont want my children to do the same

Xx

Being a Teacher

I had a little boy tell me the other day
That i was one of his favourite teachers
Because i was such a good teacher

That truly warmed me
The funny thing is
He is not even in my class
I barely see him
And when i do
I am usually asking him to stop talking and listen
Lol

But i guess
That is the wonderful thing about being a teacher
The little hearts you touch
Whether or not you are in the classroom with them all day
Or whether you only see them in passing through the school

Its very rewarding knowing that i have made a difference
Even a slight difference
In the lives of the children
With the parents

I dont know any other early years teachers that have as many tattoos as i have
I have had children coming to school with permanent pen drawings on their arms
Stick on tattoos
Hair tied up like mine

Academics is last on my list of things to teach

Hopefully
I will send my children and parents away at the end of the year
More open minded
More accepting
More empathetic

I think ive done my job
This year
There is always next year
A new group of students to break in
New parents
New challenges

And i will
Because i do what i do
Im good at what i do
And i love what i do

And at the end of the day
That is the most important thing

Xx

Thank you to the parents of Sunrise School
Who have welcomed and accepted me
With my big personality
And thousands of tattoos
Love to you all

Acceptance

I am indonesian

After eleven years of living in indonesia

I can happily say that i do love living here

And yes

Im indonesian

My children are indonesian

My husband is indonesian

And so am i

I know

That may not seem like a big deal

But it is to me

Because i lived in denial for many years

My parents moved us to australia when i was a wee bub

For a better future

Which i understand and appreciate

But from an early age, i was constantly reminded how lucky i was to not be in indonesia

To be in a western country and not in asia

Thus, i grew up…

Racist

Oooh, the r word

Not so much to the people or what they looked like

But to the language

The culture

I spoke english

I was better

I looked down on all asians who couldnt speak english

Who lived in australia but practised asian customs

I was an asian, racist towards asians

Hmmmmm

The irony

And nobody told me to think otherwise

They laughed it off

And so i continued to be closed minded

And when i moved to jakarta at the age of seventeen

Oh my was i in shock

Asians. Everywhere

There was no denying who i was

But even then, it took a few years

When my son was born, my shista tak called me up from australia and asked

So tash, is he asian?

I roared with laughter

Yes, i said

And im shocked!

Hehehe
Acceptance is what it was
Finally

Today im proud to be an indonesian

Who was lucky enough to grow up in australia

Who is now lucky enough to live on the island of gods

I got the best of both worlds

And i will always be grateful for that.

X

The Truth

Many hear you

But only few listen

Many will show support

But only few are genuine

Many are on your side

When you least need it

But few are around

When you most need it

Many will love you

When you have much to give

But few will stay

When you have lost it all

Many accept you

When you become what they want

But few will accept you

For who you really are

I am fortunate enough to have a handful of people in my life

Who are “those few”

And that is all I need

I do not need twenty

Thirty

“friends”

I have what I need

I have who I need

And that is enough

Thank you for being those few

You mean more to me than those many around

X