This is raven

She came into this world knowing who she was
Even though I didn’t have a clue

She waddles into a room and knows her place
Makes people fall in love her immediately


She will do great things

Maybe not in the save your life as a doctor kind of way
Or make a scientific breakthrough

But she will changes lives
And she will move hearts

I don’t know why she’s here
But I do know
She will be


And I am so grateful that she chose me to be her mother





My Children


When kai was born
I knew him
He was mine
I was his
It had always been that way
For what reason
I still dont know

I was terrified
When raven was born
Because i didnt recognise her
This fat rolly bubba
Who was she?
Why was she here?
Why me?

Sounds awful

But my soul didnt recognise her
It still doesnt

So i came to the conclusion

She must be new

Everything is amazing
And she wants to try everything
Right now
She is ready to take on the world
No fear
No past regrets
No memories
Not tainted or haunted by her past

Kai arrived like
Uh huh
Here we go again
Some things he says
Like he knows
He just knows
And he is bored
Like come on now
What else is new?

Two completely different children
Who love each other more than anyone else in the world
At one year old
Raven knows who she loves the most

When i get upset with her
She runs to her brother

Bless their mismatching cotton/nylon socks
Bless my children
Whoever they were
This time
They are mine
And i cant wait to see what the future holds

My Two Cheeky Monkeys

Six years later
Yeah i like this motherhood gig
Yes its exhausting
But wow the feelings
The pride
The unconditional love
My now one year old shouts maaaamaaaaa
And gives me yummy kisses
My almost six old
Still gives me yummy kisses whenever i ask for them
And he is one of my best friends
I pray that never changes
That these two cheeky monkeys
Will always be able to talk to me about anything
That they a never (or almost never) embarrassed by me
That they will always be my angels


Challenging Me

Sometimes she looks at me
Like she is challenging me
And unfortunately
I know where she gets this attitude from
She is tough
It will do her well when she is older
But for now
Oh my gosh raven
Youre a babbbyyyyyyyy
But you know what
I dont think she realises that


Big Girl

She is almost one year old
How time has flown
And at times
It has dragged
But what an adventure
Watching my little duckfaced princess grow up
Learning new things
Trying to be like her big brother
Trying to do the same things
The drooling
The tears
The falls and bumps
The babbling
The milestones
Motherhood is awesome



wake up at the crack of dawn

walk to the train station

get dirty



fixing trucks

come home to cook dinner

spend time with me

He let me watch my silly cartoons instead of the footy

he took me out for maccas breakfast every saturday morning

he made giant bacon and egg sandwiches for sunday breakfast

he gave me massages after karate lessons

he sang off key

but he sang loudly and proudly

he always caught me when he threw me up in the air

he worked his ass off for me

he was my mothers first and last love

he was my first love

no man compares

this august it will have been 18 years since he passed away

i hope today he is proud of me

i sometimes think that he came back

as kai

there are times when my little boy guides me in a way no child actually could

my mum supposedly doesnt believe in reincarnation

but sometimes

i think she believes it too