Children

I never decided to have to have children
I decided to keep them though
They were the ones who decided to be born to me

And everyday
Having my heart split in three
And having the other two parts walking around outside my body…

I want to keep them with me all the time
Protect them

I complain of tiredness
Frustration
“It’s so hard looking after them…”

But honestly
When I’m alone
I don’t feel complete

And that is love
Unconditional love

X

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Children

“Giving birth is one of the most beautiful natural things a woman can do”

Bullshit.

Natural, yes.
Beautiful, no.

The books don’t tell you.
And most mothers won’t either
Because they either want to forget…
Or they don’t want to scare you.

Maybe the books mean beautiful in a spiritual way.
Cos physically, it is disgusting.

Baby
Poop
Blood
Other bits
Being pushed out of your vagina…

Yeah it’s not pretty.

When I gave birth to my son,
My sister was there with filming it.
A few months later, we turned on her laptop to try and watch it…

And neither of us could.

I think childbirth videos are the stuff horror and alien movies are made of.

My daughters birth wasn’t much better, but at least I was better prepared.

A water birth
And the environment I was in made it more “beautiful” but nonetheless…

When i talk to my pregnant friends,
I tell them the truth.

It ain’t pretty.

It’s worth it…
At some point afterwards.
After the pain
The cramps
After you’ve healed…

But don’t be a sucker and expect it to be glorious and clean.

Seriously.

X

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My Truth

Here is the truth

I am me

I am a mother
A wife
A daughter
A teacher
A friend

But I am still me

Only very recently
Did I become me

And I mean, everywhere, with everyone,
Me

My personality doesn’t change
Nor does my character

I perhaps am more tactful when I have to be

But I don’t change for anyone
Not to suit anybody’s else’s needs or expectations

This is who I am

If you ask me how I am
I will tell you

If you didn’t really want to hear my answer
Then why did you bother asking in the first place

Like it
Love it
Or leave it

I don’t have a gun to your head
I never asked you to stay
If you don’t like who I am
Then please
Um
Go away

X

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Title Ms. Perfect

Excuse me Ms. Perfect.
I’d forgotten how wonderful you were.
Please remind me again so I can take notes.
Perhaps make some charts.
Maybe tell all my friends.
Please show me how to to everything correctly because I am so obviously doing everything wrong its practically a sin.

Tell me how i should organise my house because…
Oh that’s right, you don’t even clean yours yourself.

Tell me how I should be a good wife to my husband because…
Oh wait, where is yours?

Tell me how I should raise my children because…
Oh that’s right, yours are sooooo normal.

Mmmm hmmmmm…
Point taken?
I don’t want your input.
Never asked for it.

Before you go judging me….
Make sure you’re perfect.
And it case it wasn’t clear enough…
You’re not.

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Teaching…. Guiding

“Make sure that your teaching doesn’t get in the way of your children’s learning”

It’s hard to remember that I am only here to show them the door, and that they need to walk through it themselves. Sometimes I want to shove them through the doorway and lock them in.

It’s hard to remember that no matter what I preach, or how often I do it… At the end of the day, they’re going to learn best by example and by doing it themselves.

As poshy as it sounds, I prefer the term “directress” rather than “teacher” because really, that is all I am doing…. Directing. Guiding.

Directing them onto what is hopefully the “right” path. Academically, emotionally, socially, spiritually.

I started this school year with basic conventional math skills. Halfway through the term, I realized, they don’t even know why we’re talking about this.

Why do we need to know addition?
What are numbers for?
How did they originate?
How did people used to write numbers?
How will it help when we’re bigger?

So I scrapped a lot of my planning and started from scratch.

Most days, I go by how many children are present in the class, how is the collective mood. Will it be an arty day? A musical day? A more academic day of handwriting and number skills?

Every day is a surprise.

The lessons planned usually go out the window.

I figure, at the end of the school year, as long as I’ve covered the basic objectives, it doesn’t matter how I got there.

Whether the children learned subtraction by eating pizza, or learned to write by tracing in the sand, or geography by playing with play doh and water…..

I’ll be happy knowing that they have left my class having learned manners, social skills, equality and acceptance.

Gentleness and that boys are allowed to cry and girls can have short hair and wear pants.

As long as my children are happy to come to school and see me every day…

As long as they leave with a smile on their face….

I’ve done my job.

Love to my kiddies and the amazing team at school.

Xx

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This Life

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Sometimes i feel
So out place
In this world
In my body
There were times
before i had children
When i used to wonder
What i could have possibly done in previous lives
To have been born into this one
Why again?
Why arent i done yet?
One more time
But wait
Possible one more
Kai and i have already made a plan
For next time
One more
Kai and i
Another journey
But lets enjoy this one first my love
Enjoy this life
And when our time comes
I’ll see you in the next one
X