Children

I never decided to have to have children
I decided to keep them though
They were the ones who decided to be born to me

And everyday
Having my heart split in three
And having the other two parts walking around outside my body…

I want to keep them with me all the time
Protect them

I complain of tiredness
Frustration
“It’s so hard looking after them…”

But honestly
When I’m alone
I don’t feel complete

And that is love
Unconditional love

X

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Her Light

Her light shines so bright
Yet people turn away
They fear her light
Because they are so consumed by their own darkness within
Her light burns too bright
And she shines
She shines
She shines the light for them
And they turn away
Oh some try
They try
But then they return to their darkness
Because that is where they are comfortable
They are too afraid to bask in her warmth
Her radiance
They know not what they throw away
They know not
The eternal love they would receive
If only they would embrace her light
Darkness be their friend
But not i
I bask
I am blessed by her light
By her love
By her warmth
X

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My Children

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When kai was born
I knew him
He was mine
I was his
It had always been that way
For what reason
I still dont know

I was terrified
When raven was born
Because i didnt recognise her
This fat rolly bubba
Who was she?
Why was she here?
Why me?

Sounds awful

But my soul didnt recognise her
It still doesnt

So i came to the conclusion

She must be new

Everything is amazing
And she wants to try everything
Now
Right now
She is ready to take on the world
No fear
No past regrets
No memories
Not tainted or haunted by her past

Kai arrived like
Uh huh
Here we go again
Some things he says
Like he knows
He just knows
And he is bored
Like come on now
What else is new?

Two completely different children
Who love each other more than anyone else in the world
Already
At one year old
Raven knows who she loves the most

When i get upset with her
She runs to her brother
🙂

Bless their mismatching cotton/nylon socks
Bless my children
Whoever they were
This time
They are mine
And i cant wait to see what the future holds
X

My Two Cheeky Monkeys

Six years later
Yeah i like this motherhood gig
🙂
Yes its exhausting
But wow the feelings
The pride
The unconditional love
My now one year old shouts maaaamaaaaa
And gives me yummy kisses
My almost six old
Still gives me yummy kisses whenever i ask for them
And he is one of my best friends
I pray that never changes
That these two cheeky monkeys
Will always be able to talk to me about anything
That they a never (or almost never) embarrassed by me
That they will always be my angels
Xx

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The Journey.. Kai

When i was pregnant with kai

I was…
Terrified
Excited
Terrified
Amazed
Terrified
You get the picture

But i look back now
And im not sure how i survived

I had a couple of close friends and my sister
Who supported me every which way
A group of practically strangers who would sit and comfort me for hours
My old tattoo artist whom would also sit with me all day long if needed

I slept on friends couches
I had no money
No job
No plans

Emotionally i was a wreck

The only thing that kept me going
Was knowing that i had to give bring this little boy into the world
For whatever reason
He had chosen me
And i was going to do it
And i did

None months later
My life changed
And i was stronger
And better for it

Bless my son
Who gave me life by my giving him his
I dont know what i would do without him

He is
My best friend
My soul partner
My little monster
My mini me
My first and true love

I am sure he will give me grief when he gets older
He is my son
Of course he will

But its ok
It will all have been worth it
This is what i was meant to do
To bring him here

Now…
To guide him
And i will do my best
X

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Be Yourself

for years

trying to fit in

with whatever you wanted me to be

i would have become anything

anyone

you wanted

just to be loved

accepted

i am done with that

i am who i am

love me

or

leave me

my children

5 years and 10  months

he wants to be a farmer

teacher

pilot

engineer

he wants to marry a vampire

not get married

have twenty children

have no children

we have talked about

homosexuality

single parenting

responsibilities

drugs

alcohol

addictions

recovery

he is 5

and he is a lot more mature than a lot of adults i know

he can be whomever he chooses to be

she can be whomever she chooses to be

as a mother

as a teacher

i have no right to determine who my children will or will not become or do

they

and only they

have that right

all i can do is guide them the best i can

and pray for them every day

and love them unconditionally

no

matter

what

xxx

My Sister

My sister

is one of the few who has shown me

unconditional love and support throughout everything.

She has never judged.

Nor does she say,

I told you so,

even when I know she wants to,

or should.

Every bit of advice she has given me has always been out of

love,

not for selfish reasons.

She always looks out for my well being.

She is the person I turn to for advice,

ideas,

input,

support.

She helps me find a solution to get back on track when my life is going a little off the rails.

She says, now what can we do?

We need more people like her in the world.

Everybody needs at least one person in their lives like her.

I have been truly blessed.

No matter what is going on in my life,

I know I can always turn to her.

The Gods did good when they put my sister on this earth.

Bless her heart.

X